The Abyss and the Bloom: Reclaiming the Forgotten Feminine

What It Means to Embody the Feminine—Beyond the Gaze, Beyond the Surface

For too long, feminine energy has been defined by how it is seen by others. It has been reduced to aesthetic softness, to a performance of grace, to something ornamental rather than something sovereign.

We have been taught that to be feminine is to be pleasing. That to step into this energy is to become desirable, magnetic, alluring to the opposite sex.

But that is not why I am here.

I am not stepping into my femininity to be looked at.
I am stepping into it to remember what it means to be whole.

Because true feminine energy is not for display.
It is for embodiment.
It is for power.
It is for liberation.

It is time to shed the illusion that femininity is something to be worn.

It is something to be lived.

The Feminine Energy That Was Taken from Us

The world fears what it cannot control. And feminine energy, in its rawest, most primal, most divine form, has never been controllable.

It is not fragile.
It is not submissive.
It is not confined to beauty, grace, or passivity.

It is the storm and the ocean.
It is creation and destruction.
It is both the whisper and the roar.

This is why ancient feminine forces were demonized, diminished, and forgotten:

• Kali, destroys illusion with fire in her eyes and blood on her tongue.

• Lilith, refused to be subservient and was cast into the shadows for it.

• The Morrigan, who speaks in omens, her presence an omen of change.

• Hekate, standing at the crossroads, holding the lantern for those who dare to seek.

These are not stories of meekness. They are stories of unapologetic power.

And this is the energy I seek to embody now—not just in philosophy, but in practice.

The Practices That Anchor Me in My Feminine

These are not just concepts. These are my invocations, my meditations, my daily rituals. These are the truths I return to every morning and every night, the ones I let sink into my bones before the world has the chance to shape me for the day.

I began keeping a journal of my feminine exploration, a place where I can track my evolution in 2025, note the shifts in my energy, and witness the way this embodiment changes me. Some days I may feel fully in flow, deeply magnetic, and rooted in my power. On other days, I may still feel myself falling into old patterns of force, control, and rigidity. But now, I have a space to see the patterns, to reflect, to adjust.

This is not just about understanding feminine energy—it is about living it, documenting it, and growing into it, day by day.

1. I Move Like Water, Not Like a Machine

🌀 Morning meditation: "Today, I will flow. I will move with intention, not force. I will let things come to me instead of chasing them."
🌀 Evening reflection: "Where did I force today? Where did I surrender? Where did I allow myself to be carried by the current instead of fighting it?"

2. I Trust the Wisdom of My Body

🌀 Morning meditation: "My body speaks, and I listen. I will honor what she needs today."
🌀 Evening reflection: "Did I rest when I needed to? Did I ignore my body’s signals? Where did I feel the deepest sense of alignment?"

3. I Speak in a Way That Enchants, Not Commands

🌀 Morning meditation: "Today, my words will flow like poetry. I will invoke, not demand. I will magnetize, not force."
🌀 Evening reflection: "Did I rush my words today? Did I command or invite? Did I let my voice hold power through softness?"

4. I Honor My Cycles and Rhythms

🌀 Morning meditation: "What season am I in today? I honor where I am, without shame, without comparison."
🌀 Evening reflection: "Did I honor my natural flow today? Did I allow myself to rest when needed? Did I embrace my fire when it came?"

This journal is more than just a record—it is a map of my transformation, a way to ensure that I am fully sitting in my feminine, not just for a moment, but for an era. By the end of 2025, I will see the patterns, the evolution, the moments where I truly embodied my deepest feminine power.This is my year of becoming. And I will have the pages to prove it.

The Feminine Psyche and the Vital Spark: What Jungian Wisdom Reveals

As I immerse myself in this journey of fully embodying feminine energy, I have been drawn to the works of Jungian analysts who explore the psyche’s depths—the hidden, mythic forces shaping our lives from the unconscious.

One of the books currently shaping my exploration is The Vital Spark, a work that delves into the animating force of the psyche, the creative fire that fuels transformation, destruction, and rebirth.

What speaks to me most is its discussion of the feminine as the vessel of mystery—the unseen, the intuitive, the primordial force that does not demand but invites, magnetizes, and transforms. This is not the “feminine” as a passive, surface-level softness, but rather the electric undercurrent that animates existence itself.

How This Ties Into My Feminine Journey

Jungian psychology teaches that to fully embody energy, we must first integrate all of its aspects—not just the light but also the shadow, not just the beauty but also the destruction. This is exactly what I am learning to do.

• The Vital Spark reminds me that the feminine is not just grace—it is also fire.

• It speaks of eros, not just in a sexual sense, but in the deep, creative life force that fuels our desires, our art, our way of being.

• It reinforces the truth that feminine energy is a descent first, then a rising.

This book is helping me see my own process through a mythic lens—that my shift from rigid structure to fluid embodiment is not just a lifestyle change, but a sacred act of individuation, of becoming.

Jungian theory tells us that true transformation only happens when we stop resisting the unconscious—when we surrender to it, learn from it, and then shape it into something powerful. This is precisely what I am doing.

🌀 I am no longer fighting my own energy. I am learning to channel it.
🌀 I am no longer caught in cycles of force and chaos. I am learning to move with intuition, not against it.

By the end of The Vital Spark, I hope to have a deeper understanding of what it means to ignite my own energy from within—without external validation, without needing permission.

The Gospel of Lilith: The Woman Who Did Not Ask

Before the rib, before obedience, before the garden was quiet and docile, there was Lilith.

She was made from the same fire, the same breath, the same soil as Adam. Not a fragment, not an afterthought, not molded from another’s flesh—but whole from the start.

And she knew it.

For a time, she walked alongside him. But it did not take long for the first man to decide that equality was too much weight to bear. He wanted her beneath him—not as a partner, but as something less.

“Lie down,” he said.
And Lilith laughed.

It was a sharp, knowing sound—one that did not belong in paradise.

“I will not.”

Adam did not understand. He thought strength meant dominion. He thought love meant submission. He thought that if he was the first, he was entitled to obedience.

But Lilith was not built to kneel.
She was not built to bow.

And so, she left.

Not with regret.
Not with hesitation.
Not with one last, longing look over her shoulder.

She simply walked away.

Through the gates, through the veil, out into the wild world beyond Eden—where the ground was rough, where the winds howled, where there were no rules written in stone to tell her how to be.

And for that, they called her monster.
For that, they whispered her name in the dark, warning men of the woman who would not be tamed.

But what did they fear, really?

That she left?
Or that she never looked back?

The Woman Who Did Not Wait for Permission

Lilith did not beg to be understood.
She did not ask for approval before leaving.
She did not explain herself before stepping into the unknown.

She simply decided.
And she acted.

This is the energy that has been erased, rewritten, demonized into silence.

Because what happens when a woman does not ask?
What happens when she moves without waiting for permission?
What happens when she chooses herself first, without apology?

She becomes something ungovernable.

And that is what they have always feared.

What Lilith Teaches Me About My Own Feminine Power

I have spent too much of my life waiting.

Waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be chosen.
Waiting for the world to tell me that my voice, my intuition, my power was acceptable.

But Lilith did not wait.
Lilith did not seek approval.
Lilith did not shrink to fit into spaces that were not built for her.

And neither will I.

I am done asking for permission.
I am done waiting for the right moment.
I am done explaining why my power is not a threat, why my presence should be palatable, why my voice should be softened for easy consumption.

If the world cannot hold space for the full force of my feminine energy,
then I will make my own world.

Just as Lilith did.

And I will not look back.

The Final Gospel of Lilith: The Feminine That Does Not Bow

Let them say I am too much.
Let them say I should be softer, quieter, easier.
Let them fear the fire in my voice and the storm in my presence.

Because I am not here to ask.
I am not here to beg.
I am not here to be made smaller.

I am here to take what is mine.
I am here to reclaim what was buried.
I am here to embody the power that has been demonized for centuries.

Lilith was never a villain.
She was the first woman to say no.

And I am saying no to anything that asks me to be less than what I am.

This is the feminine that does not wait for permission.
This is the feminine that walks away and never looks back.
This is the feminine they fear—and the feminine I am becoming.

What the Archetypal Figure of Lilith Represents

Lilith is not just a myth—she is an archetype, an energy, a force that exists within every woman who refuses to be tamed.

She represents:

Sovereignty: The right to exist on your own terms, without asking for approval.
Defiance: The refusal to shrink, obey, or conform for the comfort of others.
Unapologetic Power: The kind of energy that does not soften itself for easier digestion.
The Untamed Feminine: Not the aesthetic femininity sold to us, but the primal, instinctual, fully embodied force of the feminine that is not designed to be controlled.
Rebellion Against the Expected Role: Lilith rejects the idea that femininity must always be passive, subservient, or nurturing. She is not the mother—she is the wild, ungovernable woman.

She is every woman who has ever been told she was too much.
She is every woman who has ever been vilified for her power.
She is every woman who has ever chosen herself over compliance.

This is why she was erased.
Because she threatens the structures built on controlling women.

She is not the villain of the story.
She is the warning:

Do not try to contain what was never meant to be caged.

The Lilith Invocation: A Ritual for the Woman Who Will No Longer Ask

You are standing at the threshold.
Behind you is the version of you that waited. That asked. That apologized.
Ahead of you is the unknown. The wild. The untamed feminine.

This is the moment of choice.

Lilith did not hesitate.
Lilith did not explain.
Lilith did not look back.

If you are ready to step into your own power, say these words aloud—or write them in your journal as a declaration of your own untamed feminine energy.

The Lilith Invocation

"I am done asking for permission."
"I am done waiting to be chosen."
"I am done explaining why my power should be allowed to exist."

"I take up space, without apology."
"I walk away from anything that tries to shrink me."
"I do not chase. I attract. I do not force. I allow."

"I am not soft so that I may be palatable."
"I am soft like water, carving stone."
"I am fire that does not burn itself out."
"I am the storm, the tide, the abyss, and the bloom."

"I am Lilith."
"I am the woman who does not bow."
"I am the woman who walks away and never looks back."

The Final Step: A Ritual of Reclamation

Find a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes.
Say the invocation aloud. Feel the weight of the words.
Watch yourself claim your power.

And when you are finished—walk away from the mirror without looking back.

Because Lilith never did.

Because you are not the same woman you were before you spoke these words.

The Final Word: The Pen is in Your Hands

I will not pretend that this journey is easy.
Unraveling old patterns, and stepping fully into my power—it is not a gentle process. Transformation never is.

There are days when I feel raw and unmoored, when the weight of my past conditioning presses against me, whispering that it would be easier to just return to the version of me that was quiet, that was contained, that was easier to love.

But I have tasted something now that I cannot unsee.
I have felt what it means to move without permission.
And I am not going back.

I am not lost.
I am not broken.
I am becoming.

This is not a death—it is an emergence.
This is not an ending—it is a threshold.
This is not surrender—it is a choice.

For the first time, I am stepping into the feminine energy not as something I must perform, but as something I already am.

I will not rush this process.
I will not demand that every day feels like clarity and certainty.
I will allow myself to bloom in my own time.

And now—you stand where I once stood.

Here is the precipice.
Here is the pen.
Here is the moment where you decide who you are going to be.

Will you let the world write your story for you?
Or will you seize the ink and carve your own name into the myth of your life?

The portal is open.
The choice is yours.

Step through.
Write your legend.
And don’t look back.

April Martin is a writer, illustrator, and USAF veteran with a bachelor's degree in photography. Specializing in cerebral, emotionally charged storytelling, her work delves into the complex realms of mental health—including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and severe personality disorders—bringing a raw, unfiltered perspective to the human experience. With a background spanning from military service as a B1-Bomber crew chief to working closely with the neurally diverse community, April brings a unique depth to her narratives. Her current graphic novel project, The Chaos of Lucifer, is a testament to her commitment to creating gritty, resonant stories that explore the fragility and resilience of the human spirit.